no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
