just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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