My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
