Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just gift wrapped bread.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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