I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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