There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
