just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
