And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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