I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i now understand why vodka
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
