I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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