For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
