worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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