I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
