Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
