Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
