I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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