I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
