so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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