we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
