Need sex. Gaining weight.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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