I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
