so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She bit a glass in half.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
