I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
