i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
