I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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