I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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