i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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