Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
