So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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