Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
