The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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