loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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