As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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