YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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