as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
