I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
