dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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