There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
