This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
They are going to name an STD after you.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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