the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
