I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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