Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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