woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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