so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
