I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
