im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
