well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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