I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
