I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
