He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
They took my balls.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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