I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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