i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
