We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
this is an emotional support booty call
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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