Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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