All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
