just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
