I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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