i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I looked at my own cervix.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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