Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my shit smells like andre
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
