He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
