You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
