so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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