just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
