so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
